A Slippery Sloppy Slope…

I’m sure as heck glad I dropped nearly twenty pounds so I could put ten back on over the holidays.

Hey, it’ll be a net loss.

As a matter of fact, I got an early start! After being so good for two weeks, I started sliding down a slippery sloppy slope . . .

It seems that once you make a bad choice or two, you fall victim to the default behavior that has gotten you fat in the first place. I know that’s what happens to me. It doesn’t help when the people around you believe that you will give up and revert to the old you that they are comfortable with. I talk about this more in The Push Back Problem

But crying VICTIM and looking for people to come save you from yourself is not the answer. They have their own problems and stuff they are thinking about. You can not depend on others to keep you walking a straight line. It’s your responsiblity.

While I contemplate all of this, I am also contemplating how much cheese I will consume tomorrow.

My choice. My cheese. My chub.

And my consequences.


A Glutton For Football…

A gluttonous mind screw, football is . . .

Beer and pigskin. Beer and nachos. And beer.


Literally. I pooped all morning. Gas all day.


This is exactly what I wanted to stop doing. It’s why I UNJUNKED MYSELF two weeks ago. But here I am. Dealing with the morning after shame of guzzling what equates to nearly a 12 pack of brewskis – hey, those 20 ounce drafts go down smooth after the first two – and the inevitable midnight french fry tostito snacking marathon that follows. Let’s hear it for refined processed carbs!

Normally this would derail me. It would send me into a pizza laced tailspin rationalized by the “eh, I already screwed up, what’s one more day?” school of thought.  But not this time.

It’s okay if I’m not perfect.

Wait. I think I have to say it again . . . It’s okay if I’m not perfect.

Wow. That’s liberating.

Allowing yourself to be human is AWESOME.

If I don’t eat all the right things or go a bit overboard during a happy hour, it’s okay. What I have consistently drilled into my own mind is the fact that I am not dieting. I am learning a new way of healthy living. Mistakes will happen, realistic bumps in the road will happen, life will happen. And it’s all good.

Football gluttony is a part of that. And I enjoy it. DANG IT!

This is no longer a race to skinny.

It’s a life-long path to health.

Grab a beer for the ride.



Is This Endorphinese? Or . . .

I don’t know if it’s the post exercise endorphins talking, and if it is I’m loving the way they think, but I feel as if a fog has lifted from my mind, my attitude, my overall self.

It’s genuine happiness.

Could it be? Crazy funny goofball ass me? Spewing positivity at even the most curmudgeonous of curmudgeons without a care? Dancing in the grocery store no matter who stares? Fearless in my sarcasm and corny jokes? In real life and not just on my blog for you folks? Yeah baby.

I feel good. Nana nana nana na (James Brown interlude)

Look what a rush of live nutrients, clean eating and activity will do for you. Strip away the crap inside and a shining light breaks through the residue, not to be denied. I literally feel alive. Like my authentic self has been freed. That person I’ve been looking for, for YEARS while simultaneously cramming the very essence of who I am further and further away from my heart and soul with massive amounts of emotional binge eating, beer drinking, and other bad choices that I consciously made. But that is over.

Time to stop hiding. The world needs me.

The Post Workout Happy Zapper…

This isn’t a fitting room, Mr. Gym.

So fuck you and your flourescent lights!

Sorry. I couldn’t hold back.

There’s no better way to deflate the euphoria you feel after working out than to take your elevated heart rate having, chest heaving behind into the bathroom at the gym. Forget the fire engine red face and whispy hairs standing at attention all over my head. Why do I look wider than all outside? I didn’t look this HUGE in my mirror at home before I got my ass to the gym, so why do I look like a massive mound of tapioca pudding wrapped in lycra now?


This is where I need to talk myself up instead of beating myself down. Who cares what I look like after kicking my own ass at the gym? At least I am here, sweating to the beat of my own drum, not caring who is watching while I’m breathing as if I’m having a panic attack.

The point is I am DOING IT.

Why berate when you can praise yourself for getting your tapioca pudding butt running on the treadmill? Yes RUNNING. Not walking, holding onto the bars to avoid the embarrassing fall and subsequent belt trip to the floor, but actually running. Give yourself some credit!

Screw the lights and keep up the fight . . .


Unjunking Myself

I made a decision.

After years of dieting, intermittent exercise and countless amounts of processed, fried and toxic foods crammed down my pie hole, it was time to replenish my body with what I’ve stripped away through hazardous, unhealthy behaviors.

Time to renew my depleted physiological self. Time to start over with a clean, nutrient rich body from the inside out.

Time to REBOOT.

While mentally beating myself into an emotional coma for my dehydration induced swollen ankles several days ago, I came across the documentary  “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” and thought hmm. I’m not nearly dead, or even sick. But I am fat and miserable. I’m gonna watch it.

You may have heard of the 2011 film, or maybe not, because I didn’t know it existed until that moment. It chronicles one man’s 60 day journey across the U.S. juicing his way to health. Yes, drinking ONLY juice made from fresh veggies and fruits, filling up with micronutrients to get rid of all the garbage in his body, jump start a plant based lifestyle and most importantly, get off multiple medications.

It was crazy inspiring. Some think it was just plain crazy. But you can’t deny the doctor supervised results.

Clarity. Energy. Vibrancy. WEIGHT LOSS.

I wasn’t looking to do two months of this, the holidays are around the corner for goodness sakes! However for ten days or so, I thought it was doable. Then I can pile the holiday yumminess onto a fresh and clean system! Not really. In actuality, I plan to ease lean animal proteins back into my diet along with eggs and practice moderation. I’ll continue to incorporate raw vegetable juices in my diet daily, as I already feel more alive than I have in a long time!

A few more days to go until my juicy adventure is complete, so till then I’ll have to change my name to Mystery Meatless . . .