Hmm. Is it a coincidence that the word HATE is just ATE with an H in front?
How could I Have ATE that?
I sometimes HATE myself after I ATE something that I knew I shouldn’t have stuffed in my face…
Did you ever have that feeling? That feeling of insta-guilt?
And then the obligatory WHY? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I making the conscious choice to cram crap down my food hole?
Just the simple fact that I associate HATE with food means I have an unhealthy relationship with what I need to live. It’s like saying I hate the fact that I took a breath of that dang oxygen. What the heck was I thinking?!
So the question must be asked. Why do I self-loathe? Even better, why do I eat what I eat knowing shame will set in the moment I crumple up the wrapper?
Is it because I am ashamed I’ve let myself go? So screw it. Lots of people are fat. Look! I’m not nearly as fat as that person . . .
It’s because I want to be perfect . . .